I was eating watermelon with my great Aunt Eileen. We were having a good conversation and it started out to be a good day.
Her phone rang. It was my mom. She walked back into the kitchen and said it was for me.
Why would my mom call me on Eileen's phone?
Uh oh. Somethings wrong.
My heart sank to the deepest place a heart can sink. Buddy is my best friend. He has been my friend when I had none. He is there for me always. He knows how to make me smile. When i am sad he comforts me and he listens when I have to rant. He sleeps by my bed everynight, even when I am out of town. He waits for me. I LOVE him. I love him with all my heart.
As we always say, "He is good as gold.... possibly platinum!"
Yesterday was the day my grandmother died from lung cancer 17 years ago. Yesterday was the day my best friend died. And to make matters worse, my aunt was diagnosed with lung cancer yesterday as well. (Is it a coincidence that her mother died from lung cancer on the same day 17 years ago? Maybe.)
It was a sad day. The hardest part is that I never got to say goodbye to Buddy boo. I was still out of town in Chicago. For reasons that only he knows, he could not wait just one more day. Perhaps he didn't want me to see him die. Perhaps it would have been too hard for me to bare.
I am just really depressed. I never got to pet his fluffy body one last time. I never got to get down on the ground and hug him again. I never got to stare into his eyes and say a final “I love you."
I feel like part of me is missing. Buddy wasn't my dog; I was HIS GIRL. It literally feels like a chunk has been ripped out of my heart and buried with him. I can't go an hour without tears streaming down my face. I know his spirit is with me, but I just miss his physical being. I miss him so much. It hurts. It really, really hurts. I forgot what it was like to cry myself to sleep everynight.
I can hardly control myself. How do you get over your best friend's “death?”
I came home from Chicago, snagged a picture of me and him from my room, and walked outside to his grave. He is buried right behind the pond. It's a beautiful spot. I just sat there and talked out loud to him. I just screamed. I just cried. Part of me died.
And as I type this, the tears of love roll down my face. Love like this will never die.
Rest in Peace, Bud. I love you so much. Nobody will ever understand our relationship. Stay by my side.
I love you.