Sunday, July 26, 2009


I was eating watermelon with my great Aunt Eileen. We were having a good conversation and it started out to be a good day.

Her phone rang. It was my mom. She walked back into the kitchen and said it was for me.

Why would my mom call me on Eileen's phone?

Uh oh. Somethings wrong.

“Buddy died.”

My heart sank to the deepest place a heart can sink. Buddy is my best friend. He has been my friend when I had none. He is there for me always. He knows how to make me smile. When i am sad he comforts me and he listens when I have to rant. He sleeps by my bed everynight, even when I am out of town. He waits for me. I LOVE him. I love him with all my heart.

As we always say, "He is good as gold.... possibly platinum!"

Yesterday was the day my grandmother died from lung cancer 17 years ago. Yesterday was the day my best friend died. And to make matters worse, my aunt was diagnosed with lung cancer yesterday as well. (Is it a coincidence that her mother died from lung cancer on the same day 17 years ago? Maybe.)

It was a sad day. The hardest part is that I never got to say goodbye to Buddy boo. I was still out of town in Chicago. For reasons that only he knows, he could not wait just one more day. Perhaps he didn't want me to see him die. Perhaps it would have been too hard for me to bare.

I am just really depressed. I never got to pet his fluffy body one last time. I never got to get down on the ground and hug him again. I never got to stare into his eyes and say a final “I love you."

I feel like part of me is missing. Buddy wasn't my dog; I was HIS GIRL. It literally feels like a chunk has been ripped out of my heart and buried with him. I can't go an hour without tears streaming down my face. I know his spirit is with me, but I just miss his physical being. I miss him so much. It hurts. It really, really hurts. I forgot what it was like to cry myself to sleep everynight.

I can hardly control myself. How do you get over your best friend's “death?”

I came home from Chicago, snagged a picture of me and him from my room, and walked outside to his grave. He is buried right behind the pond. It's a beautiful spot. I just sat there and talked out loud to him. I just screamed. I just cried. Part of me died.

And as I type this, the tears of love roll down my face. Love like this will never die.

Rest in Peace, Bud. I love you so much. Nobody will ever understand our relationship. Stay by my side.

I love you.


audrey robertson said...

Sorry to here about your dog ash...

Sarah said...

I'm glad you were able to talk with him once returning home. Let all the emotions out. You'll find your smile again, but for now, just cry. Buddy completely understands.

Anonymous said...

Ashley, I'm crying right now. I'm so sorry about Buddy. I know about very special relationships w/dogs and I will feel just like you do when I eventually lose my best friend. I don't even want to think about it. Why can't they live longer? Love, Laurie

Cora said...

Ash, I'm sitting here with tear rolling down my face. I've never met Buddy before, but I can feel the amount of love you had for him just reading the short paraphrase of you and Buddy. I can only imagine how you are feeling right now. I've had Minnie for 15 years now, almost my whole life. I will break down when she passes. She's a tough one tho, I ain't gonna let her go- as long I'm in Iraq, she better be still alive and kickin when I come home! Buddy will always be with you, he'll come visit you and watch over you at night. I understand the close bonds of humans and dogs.
Was Buddy sick? He just died of Old Age? How old was he?
Let Buddy be with you and by your side through these tough times.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to read about Buddy's passing. What a precious relationship you had with him and he is a lucky boy to have had you as his girl.

He will take care of you in spirit now.

Michele in NZ

thinck said...

i was thinking about buddy and i realized you probably put a really beautiful photo tribute on here... i wasn't disappointed! these are the BEST of the shots.
i won't ever forget him.
i love you!

badash said...

Thank you everyone. Your words are really healing to me. Thank you so much... you all are helping me through this hard time.

Cora, Buddy was 10 years old. Actually, his birthday was right around the day of his death! He had arthritis for a while and it was hard to walk for him, especially lately. He also got a nasty "kennel cough" and he has it on and off... He died of old age. It was his time... and im accepting to that... i knew it was coming... but i didnt know it would be that soon.

meganthevegan said...

What to say?

I am crying right now. What a loss, I'm so sorry...I know this is an old entry but loves like this only come once in a lifetime. You already know this. It's good to see that he's close to home still and in a beautiful place.

This really hits home for me because my childhood BEST FRIEND, the LOVE OF MY LIFE, my cat Rascal, is not getting any younger. She is 16 this year and just...ughhh...she is the best thing that ever happened to me. I cherish every moment with her because I know she's getting old (though she still has soooo much life in her).

Anyway, this really touched my heart and I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your intense loss...Love to you and your guy Buddy!!!! <3 <3 <3


badash said...

Thanks so much, megan. I miss Buddy soooo much and whenever i read this post i still cry!