Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I hurt.

I hurt so bad.

I go outside to his grave

and let all my feelings pour out.

I talk to him

out loud

and then the tears come.

And i think:

Why am I talking to the dirt?

I just want to see his face again.

I wish I knew that the last time I saw him

would be the last time on earth.

I wish I could have hugged him harder

and longer

before I left.

I sit in different rooms of my house

and still expect to see him in his "spot."

I forget that he is not here

for a moment

and I hear him.

But when I look up

nothing is there.

And then the pain hits

once again

over and over and over again.

Why do I feel so much pain

for the death of one living animal

when people, plants, and animals are dying every second of everyday?

I look around

and realize

that everything is living.

And then I realize

that everything is dying.


I focus all my sorrow

on Buddy

one dog i have grown to love

out of the millions.

I have only known a few living people and animals who have died

yet there are billions around me.

Sometimes I am able to see a glimpse of the bigger picture

but right now

i just need to cry.

I just need to talk about him

and look at pictures of him

and share memories of him

and love him.

Coping with death is a very hard thing.

Buddy was so involved in my life

and its hard to go on

accepting that he is not physically here anymore.

He was the best dog I've ever had

and I will never stop loving him.

I miss you, Buddy.


Omegachuck said...

I love the b&w photo of the dogs looking out the window in anticipation of your arrival. Says alot. Hope you feel better soon.

michele said...

wishin you strength during this tough time...i hope buddys luv brings you through this hard time....

Cora said...

You hurt so much because you loved him with all your heart. It's hard to let the ones you love go. Just try to remember the good times he gave you and let it bring you joy. You will make it through. :)

Lilzee said...

Really wonderful pictures, Ashley. I can feel the love between you. :)

Wendy said...

This is a beautiful post, Ashley.

Anonymous said...

Oh Ash...The love between you & Buddy was so pure and unconditional. It must be really hard to lose that. I was just out of town for a week and missed my dogs so much and they were so excited to see me when I got back. It is just an amazing bond and love. I'm sorry Buddy had to go while you were gone. Love, Laurie

Anonymous said...

Hey Ash, thanks for sharing your blog. You've inspired me to become raw, too. I'm sorry for your loss of Buddy. Best to you,