I hurt so bad.
I go outside to his grave
and let all my feelings pour out.
I talk to him
and then the tears come.
And i think:
Why am I talking to the dirt?
I just want to see his face again.
I wish I knew that the last time I saw him
would be the last time on earth.
I wish I could have hugged him harder
before I left.
I sit in different rooms of my house
and still expect to see him in his "spot."
I forget that he is not here
for a moment
and I hear him.
But when I look up
nothing is there.
And then the pain hits
over and over and over again.
Why do I feel so much pain
for the death of one living animal
when people, plants, and animals are dying every second of everyday?
I look around
that everything is living.
And then I realize
that everything is dying.
I focus all my sorrow
one dog i have grown to love
out of the millions.
I have only known a few living people and animals who have died
yet there are billions around me.
Sometimes I am able to see a glimpse of the bigger picture
but right now
i just need to cry.
I just need to talk about him
and look at pictures of him
and share memories of him
and love him.
Coping with death is a very hard thing.
Buddy was so involved in my life
and its hard to go on
accepting that he is not physically here anymore.
He was the best dog I've ever had
and I will never stop loving him.
I miss you, Buddy.