Tuesday, August 12, 2008


Two days of school have gone by.... they are pretty long and boring...

nobody really talks to me... I feel like a complete outcast.

I'm not sad about it or anything... it's just not very fun.

All my friends are in their late 20s, 30s, 40s... except for a select FEW.

I know that a lot of people will tell you this, but i REALLY don't connect with people my age... I just feel like we are on two different levels, especially mentally. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of really cool kids out there that are my age... I DO talk to a few people my age, but when i talk to them, I feel like I am talking to a wall. They don't understand me. They act like they do, but they DONT. I can feel it in their words and actions. They think they know what they want. They think they know who they are. But they don't. They don't even know what is in the food they eat. (had to throw it in there!)

I mean, I'm not trying to say I'm better than them by any means, I'm simply saying that I feel like I am on a different mental level than them, whether it be better or worse. I feel like I have a better grip on my life. I am not saying that I know who I am or what exactly the meaning of my life is, but i DO feel like my connection with myself, my life, and the environment is probably better than a handful of others my age.

You feel me?

I got to school early today and came into my first period early --- I was talking to my teacher and I mentioned how not many people talk to me at this school, and she was like "YEAH I've noticed that!" and I was like "eh, i guess I simply don't connect with people my age" and she said, "But i mean, i feel like I PERSONALLY can connect with you!" Then we got to talking about how much the school and the people have changed. SHe said it used to be full of people like me --- completely determined and focused on their ART and totally passionate. Now it's full of fake people who ACT like they care, but give very little effort.

You all know about it. Theres a huge cause going around about being green. People are finally opening their eyes once again to the ENVIRONMENT. People are becoming aware. People are taking baby steps and making changes. It's great, except for this:

ITS TURNING INTO A "COOL FAD" AMONG STUDENTS... but wait thats not the bad part:

I see these kids, everday, carrying around one of those "GO GREEN" or "RECYCLE" or "SAVE THE PLANET" tote bags that they now sell EVERYWHERE (even as purses at Target and Walmart) -- everyday I see those kids drinking out of bottles and then THROWING THE BOTTLES AWAY IN THE TRASH.. UH, WHAT!? SERIOUSLY? you are wearing a freakin "GO GREEN" tote and then you don't even recycle your plastic?

...talk about FAKE PEOPLE!

And you know what pisses me off even more?! How people (mainly teens) are going out and buying these "go green" or whatever T-SHIRTS at like freakin Victoria Secret (yes they have some i think) and expensive stores, but they are doing it for the FAD, not for the CAUSE!!!!!!

why not skip on the super expensive go green shirt !? donate it to somewhere that COUNTS! (a cheap one is okay if you ACTUALLY care about the cause, ya know? But vicky secret... are you kidding!? or if the money is donated somewhere important)

Yesterday I was in Target and they have all these folders for school with recycling designs.... I mean, this is great, considering people are finally being aware, but AHHHHHH I HATE FADS SO MUCH! the thing is, MANY OF THESE TEENAGERS DON"T ACTUALLY CARE!

they just act like they do.

Next time I see someone throw away a plastic bottle I am going to throw a freakin RIOT.

For the record, last year (before the big fad among teens) I would stand by the trash can sometimes and when people would throw away bottles i'd snatch them and recycle them.

ARRRRRGHHHHHHHH okay enough rambling, i just had to get that out. Hope it makes sense!


Omegachuck said...

AAaaaaggh!! so much to cover in that rant! On the ' go green' scene; those kids should make their own slogan on a recycled old shirt bought at a thrift shop for $ .50. And who is buying throwaway plastic bottles anymore? And in school already for 2 days? Sooo sad, so early, no wonder you have hit the skids. As for your limited friends, since you've climbed better than most and with those older for so long, it's no wonder that your buddy list goes 20-30-40(uhh, 50+too, me;/-) But that deep focus on what you want to be doing, and the sense that peers are just not the same as you, it's so much like what I've seen in young dedicated gymnasts. Tunnel vision into what you really want to do can take up some serious time and effort. Spending so much time with these gymnasts over the last 30 years, well of course I must admit most of my friends are therefore so much Younger than I am.
Watching the Olympics right now, womens gymnastics of course. I wonder just what kind of a variety of healthy diets these girls keep? Think many of them are all raw, green eaters or do they expend so much energy that they need to do go heavy on proteins and other choices? Interesting.

Cheryl said...

ash, your school ramblings could have been something straight out of my journal when i was in high school. i was so fortunate, though, to have one good friend who did understand me and we could go through it together...holding out till high school finished and ages disappeared.

maybe think of school like a job. i'm hoping you won't ever have to have a job like this again, but imagine that it's something you simply have to do for now, so you might as well enjoy it and other people who are involved in it. learn everything you can (i'm sure you've already got that down! ;) but also approach the people there with love and grace. people are the important part of situations anyway - the fact that you don't connect with the majority of them is something that probably won't change most of your life. you never know though - there may be a couple people there who feel the same as you, but it's probably the ones you'd least expect.

pursue friendships at whatever level they can give, you know? so none may turn out to be best friends or understand your deepest self, but you may learn a lot of cool things and form some really neat relationships regardless. who knows - maybe someone you walk past in the halls every day needs to hear your perspective on life. learning to allow people to be themselves is something you'll have to practice for the rest of your life...but that doesn't mean avoiding the people you don't feel like you connect with. if they're part of your life (which they are if you spend 8 hours a day in the same buidling), you might as well figure out what they're about. sometimes picking the brains of people you don't understand leads to some pretty neat things.

don't take personally the things that others do or don't do. the hope is that everyone is doing their best with what they've learned thus far. it's pretty neat you're there to model a different level of commitment - just make sure it's done with love and grace and not judgement. maybe try switching your perspective to one that thinks, "wow...it's neat that they at least understand that green is a good thing!" find commonalities not differences and then in the connections you build each of you will learn so much - maybe without you even ever saying anything they'll learn that just wearing a shirt with a cool slogan doesn't really amount to much if your life doesn't align. but chances are, they have no clue where to START with aligning their lives to it, you know? you can certainly help there!

i love you ash :)

calaismarie said...

oh man, yet again i've commented from cheryl's account. that was me... :)

Omegachuck said...

calaismarie/cheryl? has it right. Individuals we are, indeed. That's why we are climbers girl! And yes, it often continues on all the way through life. GDI' we are. Not loners, but g.d. individuals. My choice of high school sports was the indicator. Gymnast. Independent all the way. Pole vaulter. Nobody is more persnickity in a track meet than the high jumpers and vaulters. We set our own pace, we develop our own practice methods, diet, and then we turn into rock (and ice) climbers from hell. Gotta love it. So expect to be isolated for many years to come; you'll learn to accept it and find those who will enjoy your choices too.

HiHoRosie said...

had some things to unload?! I don't blame ya because I see the same things and not in HS (and hs hasn't changed since I was there forever ago). A lot of fads w/o a lot of thought to the cause. You got some good advice here from the others. Just keep doing your thing, being you. Show 'em how it's done. :)

I just can't believe you guys are in school already! Do you really start so early or is it that we start so late? Schools around here typically start after labor day. Guess it doesn't matter...either way it's cutting into summer!

Joe Rand said...

I hope this link shows up for you ash

Joe Rand said...


hope it comes up, last one didnt

Omegachuck said...

I'm sure the story is elsewhere, but i saw it on www.guardian.co.uk They give the entire 12,000 calorie a day intake of swimmer Michael Phelps. Can you imagine eating that much in a day? Yummm. And that's not all greens either.

sarabethxvx said...

I think high school is supposed to suck...
just a thought
Almost 10 years ago I graduated (wow someone getting old?)... In high school I didn't really fit in, I had lots of friends outside of school but in school just aquaintences. It was ok. I just tried to get through it and be nice to people so it wasn't so awful.
Do you have the option of running start or early college entry? I got to start college a year early and that made a big difference. Senior year would have been the hardest.

yedrek said...

Ash, I received another request to start a blog, part so people could comment and also so people could figure out where I was doing shoe demos, where I was climbing or what is new with my product lines. SO I just started it 5 minutes ago. yedrek.wordpress.com . Its raw curently (not like you though...) but I will have it running smooth soon.

Anonymous said...

I know what you're saying about the "green fad". Yes, I think it is great more is being said about the environment but it does seem like a fad! You know, "green is the new black". How long is THAT going to last? I hate it too when people THROW OUT something that is recyclable. Makes me cringe... :(

Its great that you know who you are at ypur age (or at least have an idea of who you are) I didn't do anything terrible in high school, but I do wonder "who WAS that person?" I like myself so much better now.

Rock on, climber chick. :) (pun intended)

Kim (someone who started juicing and green smoothies a couple months ago and is addicted to raw food blogs!)

Sophie B. said...

yea I know exactly what you mean- I don't really connect with many people where I live either- I always get along better with people I meet out of town and stuff. I just got back from Wisconsin and people get the green thing way better there. They recycle, don't litter, eat organically, have more health food stores. I so might move there one day! lol

yedrek said...

I picked a theme that allowed me to change the header pic....wish the chair wasnt in the background though.

Mahala said...

feel like i completly concect with you. i hope you feel the same.
i think of you as one of my best friends
and i support anything you do.